Dealing with Anger

Like so many people, anger was not allowed in my house growing up. The only person who was allowed to be angry was my father who was the bully, the dangerous one. The rest of us were taught to keep our mouths shut, tip toe around dad and do whatever he wants. Otherwise, it was dangerous.
I spent a lot of my life swallowing my anger and the anger of those around me. I kept doing this until my life hit a breaking point. I was so physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted I just knew I was going to die an early death if I didn’t make some big changes. Whether you are like me and anger has been hard for you to express or you’re someone who feels they express too much anger. This blog can help.
Let it out – In the early days of getting touch with my anger I would pick up a tennis racket and beat the hell out of a mattress. Sometimes this helped me even get in touch with the anger. I also like to primal scream. Sometimes the emotion is too much and I don’t know what to do with it all so I just scream at the top of my lungs. I might get hoarse but the emotion is much better afterwards. Anger is energy that needs to move or come out so let it. If you don’t let it out it may come out at others when you don’t really mean it.
Move it around – Sometimes high energy emotions are a sign we aren’t moving the energy through our body properly. This is what QiGong and Yoga can do for us. They help connect the body, self, emotions, and the environment. If you aren’t interested in QiGong or Yoga, moving can still help. Do some push ups, jumping jacks or put on some angry music and slam it out of your body.
- Release Anger, Frustration & Stress in 5 minutes with Qigong
- 5 Minute Instant Calm Yoga | Ease Anger & Anxiety
Express it in a calm manner – Letting the anger come out in a big way is helpful. And for me at the time I used it, it was the right solution for the right time. But letting all that anger out can also ramp up an already overly activated nervous system. Life is about balance and balancing these two approaches has helped me a lot. In a household where people yell out their anger regularly we are taught anger might mean danger or it means belittling or bullying others. It doesn’t have to mean that. Anger is a necessary emotion. Anger is often what helps me to know someone is crossing my boundary and it is the emotion that helps me to set that boundary despite my fear of angry people. My therapist suggested I start learning how to express anger in a calm way by telling other drivers what I thought of them in my car when I became angry. I learned to curse or tell people off in a calm manner. This helped me start to see I can release and express anger without jacking up my nervous system.
Breathe – Breathing is another way to release one kind of energy and take in another. Deep breathe out the anger and breathe in calm.
- Anger Release Breathwork Practice
- Releasing Anger – A Guided Meditation to Help You Let Go of Anger, Relax and Relieve Stress
- 5 minute Breathwork To Release Anger
Grounding – Mother earth is here to take energy when you no longer want it. You can walk barefoot, sit in the grass or imagine growing roots deep into the earth. Or sit with your back to a tree. You can send the anger out and they will accept it. Don’t worry nature also knows how to change one kind of energy into another kind. They can use it to grow.
Fire and Ice – I have visualized myself as a black dragon breathing out fire. Often I am burning up people, or events that have caused me great anger. It is very satisfying. When I feel the heat inside my body I will also imagine fire just burning out of my head in a great wave. I usually imagine I am screaming as this happens too. Our thoughts are powerful and this can also release the energy. On the other side, I have used physical ice to cool my anger. Often placing it on the center of my chest or lower back is most helpful. I try to keep it there for 20 minutes. You can also use the same visualization technique imagining ice in your center to cool the anger.
Wear Crystals – Crystals are an easy way to bring certain energies into your life and help you to better manage some energies. You can buy stones to put around your house, carry in your pocket or buy jewelry to wear every day. I choose what crystals I will wear for the day based on how I am feeling or what I am struggling with. They don’t have to be expensive. Just make sure they have weight to them like a stone does to avoid fakes. Below is a beginning list of stones that help with anger. But research it online. Find your favorite one.
- Bloodstone
- Amethyst
- Smoky quartz
- Rose Quartz
Stop feeding your anger – So often when I have treated people with anger issues I find they are spending a lot of their time listening to or watching content that actually increases their anger. There is so much fear and anger put out there it is easy to fall into this trap. When you listen or watch ask yourself, is this causing me to feel angry? If it is then cut it out. Life is hard enough to deal with without others flaming our discontent. Often I find this is related to control. Certain shows will make us feel powerless and focus on what is out of our control. So turn it off, and say the Serenity Prayer instead;
God/Spirit, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Healing interventions like these are a long term solution. You are learning to work with your emotions like you can learn to play a sport. It takes time and practice like any new skill. Pick one and make it a regular habit for a few weeks then reassess. These are also only a few videos that are out there and can help you. Explore on your own. Just always remember to Ohm your health, it is all just energy and you are born to learn how to manipulate energies. You can do it!!